Depending on who you ask, the concept of perfect is extremely simple – without flaws, satisfying all requirements, conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type. Turn it into a noun and insert perfectionism, which Merriam-Webster defines as “a disposition to regard anything short of perfect as unacceptable.”
However, we actually know that perfectionism is not necessarily about being “perfect.” There are parts to it. The biggest parts consist of setting extremely high standards for yourself (and sometimes others), judging your self-worth based on your ability to achieve said standards, and experiencing negative consequences of setting such high standards – yet continuing to go for the despite the cost.
Let me be clear – having standards is not a bad thing. Having standards can be the first step in becoming the person you’ve always desired to be. However, there is a difference between the pursuit of excellence and the unhealthy strive for perfection.
How Perfectionism Stole from Me
If you ask me, perfectionism is what kept me from going after many of my dreams in my 20s. I was completely overtaken by the desire for everything that I touched to be damn near perfect. Specifically, my desire to be a full time blogger and content creator, but in other areas as well. I spent so many days and nights creating content just to never publish it because it wasn’t perfect. I took hundreds and even thousands of pictures for my blog and never published them because they weren’t perfect. I even spent days and days writing blog posts and kept them in drafts because… you guessed it – they weren’t “perfect.”
This desire to be perfect robbed me of my opportunity to develop consistency in several different areas of my life. While I was focused on making everything in my life perfect, I was not focused on being consistent and taking actionable steps to reach my goals. This affected my marriage, friendships, my motherhood journey, and overall happiness.
I remember my worst moment of experiencing perfectionism. It was shortly as I was coming out of the fourth trimester with my daughter Alexandria. My oldest was in daycare, and I already felt extreme guilt for not being able to spend a lot of time with her since I was also so busy with the new baby. So, I decided that when she got home from daycare, everything would be amazing. I was hell-bent on making fresh meals everyday (no leftovers, fresh fruit, and fresh veggies), playing with her for one-two hours straight, singing songs, having dance parties, doing her favorite arts & crafts, you name it. I was making myself a crazy woman!
How Therapy Changed the Game
As I was sharing all of the above with my therapist, she said something to me that completely changed my outlook. I told her everything that I was doing for my older daughter when she got home from daycare, and she said to me, “Katrice, you could always just give her a fruit cup. That’s what I give my kids.”
Mind. Blown.
A fruit cup? You mean I can give her something other than a perfectly curated Pinterest worthy toddler meal and still be a good mom? (insert tears).
That therapy session changed me for the better. With that simple statement, she opened my eyes to how I was creating such high standards for myself that were just simply unattainable. I could start to see how running myself into the ground in an effort to be the perfect mom for 3 hours out of the day was compromising the other 21 hours. It was that therapy session that showed me just how much I was chasing perfection, and how badly I needed to stop.
Progress Over Perfection
I began making small changes to my everyday life at the beginning of this year. I decided to take my content creation goals full time, and that’s provided me the opportunity to be consistent and creative. It’s been such a breath of fresh air to push past my old fears of perfect and instead, I’m pushing “publish.”
This process has also helped me in other areas of my life. My exercise routine is back on track, I’m putting makeup on again, doing my hair, getting dressed (well, sometimes, #wfh life)… and doing the small things that I did not do for a long time because they never felt quite good enough.
But beyond all of that, I have an internal feeling of progress. To feel progress at this stage of my life is to feel an immense amount of joy that I did not know was possible. We feel joy when we experience many life events… marriage, the birth of a child, financial freedom, good health, and so on. However, to feel the joy of progress? I’m telling you, it’s unmatched.